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Do you ever wish you could start a relationship over, without all the attached baggage?
I was rereading old journals recently and found that after the first eleven months of marriage, I was ready to call it quits. (DH & I were married in 1997.) At that time, DH was working away from home, and I was lonely. I was wondering what the hell I was doing in a relationship where I would never be put first.
Now, however, I am so glad I stuck it out. He's been a rock through good and bad times, and he puts up with all my crap. I'm lucky to have such a great guy.
But there is still some old baggage between us... I wonder if we will ever be able to get rid of it.
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Purging and Saving
Also on vacation, I did some "Clean Sweep"ing, cleaning out a trashbag full of old magazines and outdated reference books. Why in the world was I keeping a year's worth of Self and Fitness? I remember doing some cleaning last spring thinking that maybe I would refer to the past issues, but I never did.
I should have felt relief at purging some of these old things that were just taking up space, but I didn't. I felt guilty and tense afterward. I still don't feel right about it. I suppose there is some guilt for having spent money on some of the outdated reference books, but I should feel free, shouldn't I? In fact, I felt overwhelmed as I faced the sheer amount of books I have kept from childhood. I long for organized shelves, and I added that to a list of projects that DH will complete--by next summer. My book room is supposed to be a sanctuary, but it is mostly filled with bags and some boxes of craft supplies and books. A lot of stuff is gone. I have pared down my books over the years, and what I have left is what I want to keep--at least for awhile longer. I value all of them equally.
But, if we faced the loss of everything in our house, there are only two things I would save: my box of journals and whatever photographs I could collect in time. Everything is just stuff. Sure, I would be upset to lose my Barbie collection and some of my other collections, but those are just things. The essence of my life boils down to my journals and photographs.
That's all. They are irreplaceable and priceless to me.
What would you save?
Vacation Daze
Time passed slowly while I was on vacation last week. That was a good thing. Normally, I perceive time passing in a blink. I thought my vacation might pass that way as well, so I was pleasantly surprised to feel myself slow down.
DD and I played outside almost every day. The weather was wonderful, with sunny skies and light breezes. I watched her ride her tricycle up and down the sidewalk, joining in to ride on the back while she pedaled madly.
I started a new journal volume, having completed no. 48 last Monday. The new volume is titled "My Garden," because my journal is the fertile soil of my creativity. Maybe this weekend, on Sunday when DH is away, I will go through some of my old volumes and write out a list of possible writing topics. I should start carrying around a small notepad and pen at all times--because my inspiration strikes when I least expect it!
DD and I played outside almost every day. The weather was wonderful, with sunny skies and light breezes. I watched her ride her tricycle up and down the sidewalk, joining in to ride on the back while she pedaled madly.
I started a new journal volume, having completed no. 48 last Monday. The new volume is titled "My Garden," because my journal is the fertile soil of my creativity. Maybe this weekend, on Sunday when DH is away, I will go through some of my old volumes and write out a list of possible writing topics. I should start carrying around a small notepad and pen at all times--because my inspiration strikes when I least expect it!
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Happy Anniversary to my Blog!
I began this blog on September 25, 2001. Wow, that seems like a long time ago. I quit writing in it for awhile because Blogger was having problems, and I couldn't find anything to say. Just recently, I picked up my pen again, so to speak, and changed the design of the site.
Thanks for following me through my myriad transformations.
Thanks for following me through my myriad transformations.
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
On Vacation
As the reward for hard work well-done, I got a week off with pay. That is where I've been. DD & I have been relaxing in the sun and DH has been getting a break from DD. :)
Longer posts to resume soon. :) Thanks for reading.
Can you believe that tomorrow is the first day of Autumn?
Longer posts to resume soon. :) Thanks for reading.
Can you believe that tomorrow is the first day of Autumn?
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Pithy Title Here
Journal update
I had the day off yesterday, and today, I have done nothing but catch up on emails, surf the web, and update my blogs and journal. LOL I can't complain too much, though.
I had the day off yesterday, and today, I have done nothing but catch up on emails, surf the web, and update my blogs and journal. LOL I can't complain too much, though.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Blogging for $
As I mentioned in previous entries, I added Google ads to this blog. Every click on an ad and I get a little kickback. :) Now, I don't feel this is begging. I would never make enough money that way to quit my day job or something. I host my blog for free here on Blogspot.com. I pay for my online journal space at diary-x.com all on my own, but d-x has free accounts with no strings attached. I also pay for my writing.com portfolio, but again, the site offers free accounts with some limitations.
This CBSNews article talks about some of the biggies in blogging and what kind of money they make from their blogs. A lot of those sites have Paypal buttons or other ways to give money to the author. I suppose a lot of them ask for money in order to keep their domain name or site hosting. But, don't they feel it is begging?
I was on one site the other day that charges access to post and read in its forum. However, you could view a certain number of messages, but you could not respond to them, and after the number was up, you couldn't get past the sign-up page. (I can't find the link, or else I'd post it here.)
I remember reading about sites like savekaren.com (or whatever that site was where that woman was begging for money to leave her husband or pay off her credit card bills) and thinking how stupid could people be to actually send money to the site owner. People did send money, though.
Maybe blogging for dollars won't make them rich, but they are getting paid for their writing--sort of. No one should write for free, but to make a blog successful, you need a theme, good writing, and that je ne sais quoi that keep readers coming back for more.
I guess I'll always be poor. LOL
This CBSNews article talks about some of the biggies in blogging and what kind of money they make from their blogs. A lot of those sites have Paypal buttons or other ways to give money to the author. I suppose a lot of them ask for money in order to keep their domain name or site hosting. But, don't they feel it is begging?
I was on one site the other day that charges access to post and read in its forum. However, you could view a certain number of messages, but you could not respond to them, and after the number was up, you couldn't get past the sign-up page. (I can't find the link, or else I'd post it here.)
I remember reading about sites like savekaren.com (or whatever that site was where that woman was begging for money to leave her husband or pay off her credit card bills) and thinking how stupid could people be to actually send money to the site owner. People did send money, though.
Maybe blogging for dollars won't make them rich, but they are getting paid for their writing--sort of. No one should write for free, but to make a blog successful, you need a theme, good writing, and that je ne sais quoi that keep readers coming back for more.
I guess I'll always be poor. LOL
Restocking
Why is it that when I desperately need a diet Mt. Dew, there are none to be had?
On my way to work this morning, I went to the gas station before leaving town so I could get $15 of gas. I was on E. So I filled up and went inside to pay and to get my daily dose of Dew.
They were out of diet. Diet is my favorite. I had to settle for regular. I guess I should be thankful that they had regular!
Why is it so hard for store clerks to restock the coolers? Do they think it's not their job? Perhaps it's not their job, but still, many empty slots stared at me as I gazed into the cooler. I hate going there on Tuesdays. I'm not sure when the Pepsi man delivers their order, but it can't come soon enough.
Which reminds me of another story: since March, DH has had Wenesdays off so he could go fishing in the evenings (he works nights). His night tournaments are now over and so he has gone back to work on Wednesdays. He is a cook, and not only does he have to make food, the cooks are responsible for cleaning certain of the prep tables in the kitchen. This one table had not been cleaned since March. He went to clean it last week and there was caked-on gunk that made him realize that no one was doing what they were supposed to be doing. I could not believe it.
"Don't they know their responsibilities?" I asked him.
"Apparently not. They'd rather dick off than see what needs to be done and do it," he replied.
"That's crazy."
"That's the caliber of employees that I work with, dear."
People are stupid--amen.
On my way to work this morning, I went to the gas station before leaving town so I could get $15 of gas. I was on E. So I filled up and went inside to pay and to get my daily dose of Dew.
They were out of diet. Diet is my favorite. I had to settle for regular. I guess I should be thankful that they had regular!
Why is it so hard for store clerks to restock the coolers? Do they think it's not their job? Perhaps it's not their job, but still, many empty slots stared at me as I gazed into the cooler. I hate going there on Tuesdays. I'm not sure when the Pepsi man delivers their order, but it can't come soon enough.
Which reminds me of another story: since March, DH has had Wenesdays off so he could go fishing in the evenings (he works nights). His night tournaments are now over and so he has gone back to work on Wednesdays. He is a cook, and not only does he have to make food, the cooks are responsible for cleaning certain of the prep tables in the kitchen. This one table had not been cleaned since March. He went to clean it last week and there was caked-on gunk that made him realize that no one was doing what they were supposed to be doing. I could not believe it.
"Don't they know their responsibilities?" I asked him.
"Apparently not. They'd rather dick off than see what needs to be done and do it," he replied.
"That's crazy."
"That's the caliber of employees that I work with, dear."
People are stupid--amen.
Monday, September 13, 2004
Weekend Update
A busy weekend for us included going to the Arcola Broomcorn Festival. We never stay to watch the famous parade, though. It's too crowded by that time. Plus, it was scorchingly hot and humid on Saturday.
We walked around the downtown area, checking out the vendors and the food. Of course, we spent most of our money on food: taffy and sugared pecans. DD wanted a fairy halo (a circular star crown with flowing ribbons down the back), and they were a dollar so we bought her one of those. Poor kid was tuckered out with all that walking.
Then we had to go to Wal-Mart and pick up a few things. We were home by 3:30 and MIL called to see if DD was ready to spend the night at her house. She was able to leave work earlier than she thought, so DH took DD over to her store and then came back to pick me up.
We went out for a nice dinner at our favorite restaurant, and then it was on to the movie. Luckily, we caught an early show at 5:50, rather than having to wait until 7pm and pay full price. (The movie was not worth the full price!)
When we got home, we watched the end of "LoTR: RoTK" on DVD, and then I was asleep by 10:30pm! I couldn't help it. I was just so exhausted. DH said he stayed up until 3am.
On Sunday, we attended DH's family reunion. Everyone seemed a little out of sorts. I don't know why. People tended to stay in their own family groups. When we got home, we ate dinner and then I gave DD a bath. She went to bed soon after. DH watched football games, and I read a book.
And now it's Monday again. I hope the week passes quickly.
We walked around the downtown area, checking out the vendors and the food. Of course, we spent most of our money on food: taffy and sugared pecans. DD wanted a fairy halo (a circular star crown with flowing ribbons down the back), and they were a dollar so we bought her one of those. Poor kid was tuckered out with all that walking.
Then we had to go to Wal-Mart and pick up a few things. We were home by 3:30 and MIL called to see if DD was ready to spend the night at her house. She was able to leave work earlier than she thought, so DH took DD over to her store and then came back to pick me up.
We went out for a nice dinner at our favorite restaurant, and then it was on to the movie. Luckily, we caught an early show at 5:50, rather than having to wait until 7pm and pay full price. (The movie was not worth the full price!)
When we got home, we watched the end of "LoTR: RoTK" on DVD, and then I was asleep by 10:30pm! I couldn't help it. I was just so exhausted. DH said he stayed up until 3am.
On Sunday, we attended DH's family reunion. Everyone seemed a little out of sorts. I don't know why. People tended to stay in their own family groups. When we got home, we ate dinner and then I gave DD a bath. She went to bed soon after. DH watched football games, and I read a book.
And now it's Monday again. I hope the week passes quickly.
Movie Review
Well, DH & I did go out on Saturday to see "RE: Apocalypse" and we enjoyed it. We liked the first one, though. We heard some people in the theater say that it was kind of lame, but I liked the storyline. Perhaps the characters were a little too shallow, and maybe there were some plot holes, but it was a fun popcorn movie. I have never played the videogame so I cannot compare the movie to the game.
If you liked the first movie, you will probably like this movie. The zombies and other horrific aspects didn't get much screen time, but they set it up for a third movie, so maybe that one will be really scary.
Then again, maybe I'm too old for this kind of film. I certainly enjoy watching Leeloo and the other strong female characters.
If you liked the first movie, you will probably like this movie. The zombies and other horrific aspects didn't get much screen time, but they set it up for a third movie, so maybe that one will be really scary.
Then again, maybe I'm too old for this kind of film. I certainly enjoy watching Leeloo and the other strong female characters.
Change is Rampant
In case you were wondering, BlogSnob changed its website and ad coding. Go update your page if you have an account there.
I also added Google ads over there below the sidebar. All of that is inconspicuous so it shouldn't detract from your enjoyment of my writing. :)
*****
Ok, so there are supposed to be BlogSnob ads over there under the "Other Blogs from BlogSnob" heading, but half the time the script doesn't work, so just ignore it. Sorry. :(
I also added Google ads over there below the sidebar. All of that is inconspicuous so it shouldn't detract from your enjoyment of my writing. :)
*****
Ok, so there are supposed to be BlogSnob ads over there under the "Other Blogs from BlogSnob" heading, but half the time the script doesn't work, so just ignore it. Sorry. :(
Friday, September 10, 2004
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Argh!
Yesterday, I went to post here on blogger, and the silly post would not go through. There is nothing more discouraging than wanting to post and being unable to.
I have been woefully remiss in posting and in updating my journal. At least I haven't been as tired in the evenings as I was last week. However, I still sleep poorly. Last night, I dreamed about work!
The weekend is almost here, and DH and I are planning a little night out on Saturday night. We want to go see Milla Jovovich in "Resident Evil II: Apocalypse." We love Leeloo. :) ("The Fifth Element" is a very underrated movie.) But nonetheless, Friday cannot come quickly enough.
I have been woefully remiss in posting and in updating my journal. At least I haven't been as tired in the evenings as I was last week. However, I still sleep poorly. Last night, I dreamed about work!
The weekend is almost here, and DH and I are planning a little night out on Saturday night. We want to go see Milla Jovovich in "Resident Evil II: Apocalypse." We love Leeloo. :) ("The Fifth Element" is a very underrated movie.) But nonetheless, Friday cannot come quickly enough.
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Fashion Tips
WNTW--This show on TLC is fascinating. In a way, it's mean, surprising people and telling them that they do not know how to dress, but the transformations are unbelievable. I took the fashion quiz on the website and scored 12 out of 13 correct. Even if I feel frumpy and dowdy, I guess I do know some things about fashion. :) I just wish it was easier to find ready-to-wear clothes that fit well.
Been Away, but Now I'm BAAACK!
I admire people who have time and energy to post to their blogs every day, and have something pithy and important to share.
Last week felt like the end of an era for me, in various ways. The past year has been very, um, not good, and I finally felt free of all the turmoil that has been plaguing me all summer. Staying offline and away from some things I had become obsessed with has helped immensely. It's very easy to lose sight of reality. Reality pales in comparison to an ideal or fantasy, and the ideal never lives up to the perfection of the dream.
But anyway... that is all over. All of it. Gone. Done with. Ended. Over.
Endings are difficult.
Last week felt like the end of an era for me, in various ways. The past year has been very, um, not good, and I finally felt free of all the turmoil that has been plaguing me all summer. Staying offline and away from some things I had become obsessed with has helped immensely. It's very easy to lose sight of reality. Reality pales in comparison to an ideal or fantasy, and the ideal never lives up to the perfection of the dream.
But anyway... that is all over. All of it. Gone. Done with. Ended. Over.
Endings are difficult.
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